Send My Conscience Home in a Taxi

So, almost the last thing I did at my now former job was to lodge a ticket in the company bug tracking system. This is normally used to track issues with software systems. But mine went like this:

Paul is Highly Defective and Should be Replaced

The resource known as Paul has developed a large range of eccentric behaviour. He has taken to hoarding, spinning frenetically on his chair, yelling expletives randomly and drawing peculiar pictures on the white boards.

In order to prevent the contagion from spreading, he should be hermetically sealed in a large
zip-lock bag and delivered to the nearest loony bin, along with a steady supply of Chai (soy, no sugar).

Local traders he has supported through the purchase of soup and drinks should be supported through this crisis with donations of gold coins in return for coffee.

His desk should then be sterilised by burning it in the car-park. The entire staff should dress in Druidical robes and form a circle around the burning desk, chanting "Leeeeeeeego, Leeeeeeego".

Severity: 4

Category: FAULT

Has Work-around?: Yes

By the time I was done saying goodbye to everyone, it had made it's way around significant parts of the office. I'll be curious to see how many people end up reading it :-)

Thanks to snuh for this one:

One suspects it's a whole genre....!

Now that's some dedicated facial hair

Some background: I have a couple of friends in Berlin, Jack and Polina (owners of Marvin the Borrowed Cat. Provider of the puncture wounds I have in my fore-arm. Hmmm.) Jack turned 30 in late December, and Polina asked us all to record video greetings. I was in Sydney at the time and had nothing better to do... Hence...

Part 1:


Part 2:


Part 3:

Remember there was that chick in the UK who was fired from her job of doing announcements for the London Underground (aka the Tube) for making a bunch of spoof announcements?

Well, here they are. And here are some she made for a sat nav system. Oh, and then there's the Sydney version.

And finally, one last LOL Pol:

Just what the world needs: Wedding Ring Coffin. For you or your partner!

Greenpeace, my favourite organisation, has adopted a whale during the current migration. They're holding an online poll to pick a name for it.

There a lots of sensible names with great credentials (the Maori word for Humpback for example) but then they made the mistake of including the name "Mr. Splashy Pants".

evildoom_bunny, did you have anything to do with this???

So... We've voted Labor in, now it's time to vote for Mr. Splashy Pants!

Regular readers of this journal will remember I was off to something called Box Wars the other night. It is high time I reported back!

The evening started slow, when I left Northcote late because I was doing a metric fuckload of laundry. $35 in one dollar coins later, and I had a pile of clean Everything, but had to get south! Missed a train, hopped on a tram, missed another tram, took a cab. Hmmm... Brokeness.

I needn't have hurried, the thing was barely warming up. An alright band played, and my friend Jeremy showed up, followed closely by Shaun and a couple of his mates. (Sean, me and one of his friends (Phil?) are all a bit follicly challenged. Jeremy wanted to line the three of us up for a photo. I suggested that was a bad idea, and not to tease the Balding, especially when outnumbered.)

Whilst the second band were setting up, I was convinced I recognized their drummer, as the former drummer of my former housemate's band SPG. Although I was a bit uncertain, because I was going partly on the theory that there can't be too many asian girl drummers in Melbourne. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I wracked my unreliable memory for a name, and came up with Nancy. It was her, the lead singer mentioned her by name later. She's a good drummer, pity the band she's in are a bit shit.

Anyway, the evening was showing signs of degenerating into a gig. Where were the boxes, we thought? We even started up a chant: "Cardboard, Cardboard". We even considered popping over to the neighbouring IGA, getting some masking tape and some left over boxes. Then we tried to think of pickup lines to use on the three women wandering around dressed in Cardboard. The best we could do were:

"So, I see you're wearing corrugated tonight."
"Can I take you home and unwrap you?"
"What's the shipping on this package?"

Damn, talk about lame.

Three songs into the second band's set, they finally brought out the boxes. I should mention something about the venue - the St. Kilda bowling club. There was a low stage, with a sort of dance floor in front of it, which was mostly occupied by we punters. The Box Warriors mostly shuffled out into the area in front of the stage. I should also explain something of the principles of Box Wars as I understand them. Basically, you make some kind of costume out of Cardboard boxes, then fight other people dressed the same way. Hitting only other cardboarded areas on your opponent. The last box standing is the winner!!!

And what a motley crew they were. There were at least three decent Conquistadors, they'd put some real effort in with the gaffer tape. And a Tardis, an arcade game, Sponge Bob, an R2-D2, several other things I couldn't identify.

And then they fought! While the band played, they more or less moshed in front of the stage, bouncing around like, er, well, a mosh pit but with cardboard. There was bits of boxes flying everywhere! Many of the outfits didn't last long at all - parts of the tardis and the arcade game flew all around the room. The conquistadors lost their helmets and their armour. The tardis then went on a bit of a crowd-surfing adventure of it's own, and several cardboarded people in various stages of disrepair stage dived.

Pretty soon, after not more than three songs, the floor was covered in a layer of cardboard, and only Spongebob and R2-D2 were still standing. The final battle was between a conquistador, a corrugated girl, and Spongebob. Eventually Sponge was ripped to shreds. The show was over.

One of the silliest spectacles I've ever seen. Will have to keep an eye on their website for more of the same. One of Sean's mates had a decent camera, I'll make sure he sends me some pictures.

Having run out (again) of clean clothes. That's not entirely true, I have a pile of clean shirts over there *waves* but I can't be fucked ironing them.

So I was wearing my Einstrezende Neabauten t-shirt to work today. Met up with Shaun and Brendan for lunch (and randomly ran into neonfaerie who looking for a hairdressers...) We ended up, after lunch, in a rather good coffee establishment called "Octane" - they must make their coffee strong...

When we was paying the bill, I had an exchange which went something like this:
Coffee dude: Collapsing Skyscrapers
Me: Oh, a fellow Neubauten fan
Coffee dude: What?
Me: You know, Neubauten
Coffee dude: Don't know, the guy with the spiky hair who was just here said I should say to you "Collapsing Skyscrapers"
Me: Ahhh... You see this t-shirt? It's from a band called Einstrezende Neubauten. Which translates roughly as "Collapsing New Buildings"

And here was me thinking I'd encountered a fellow fan. When in fact it was a couple of levels removed. Funny guy. Nice coffee shop.

Who likes a really big mouse cursor?

No to mention some unnervingly sophistocated Russian Cakes.

And very, very, very early Southpark...