maxcelcat: (Cat Go Blah Blah Blah)
Following my musings a few weeks back about what a shit film "The Clone Wars" was, I got to thinking about what the worst film I'd seen actually was.

I did set some criteria - things one rents on video don't count, because one can just hit eject and move on. And films that are noted for being very very bad - such as "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and indeed "Barbarella", both of which I've seen - also don't count. They're so bad they're actually good again.

So, here are some films I have actually coughed up money for, and then had to sit through in the cinema. I've never walked out of a movie, but here are some I wish I had.

One of them was a French film called Queen Margot. I actually can't remember now quite what it was about it that shitted me - although being nearly three hours long certainly didn't endear it to me. I think it was just poorly acted, had not much story, and lots of random violence. There were far too many characters, and it was difficult to know who was who - plus several characters dramatically changed their appearance during the film. So I was left wondering "who the heck is that?". I remember talking to the two people I'd been to see it with afterwards, and we'd all thought of walking out, but didn't!

Lets see. I saw a German film called "Clon" (German for "Clone") in about 2005, which seems to have disappeared without a trace on the internets. Can't find it on IMDB, or the Wikipedia or even in a plain Google search! It was a beautifully produced film, very well shot... and absolute shite. It told the story of a famous pianist who has herself... cloned. Hence the title. The plot was shit, the acting was terrible, and it also dragged on and on and on.

Another film I almost walked out of - Human Nature. Now that I think about it, my then girlfriend actually did walk out of it. This film had a lot going for it, the guys who did "Being John Malkovich" were behind it... Although it might have been "from the producers of..." or "has the same costume designer as..." in order to make some tenuous connection. And it has Tim Robbins in it, plus a few other respectable actors. And it to was terrible. It was supposed to be a comedy, but I don't think I laughed once. Part of the plot involved Tim Robbins' character teaching mice to have manners, there was a man who'd been raised as an ape, and lots of other quality plot points like that. There were about four other people in the cinema when I saw it, and it ran for maybe two weeks before being yanked from the screens.

And finally, to be fair, I should mention an Australian film. The Proposition, written by hometown favourite Nick Cave. And frankly if he hadn't written it, I doubt the film would have been made. The plot, such as it was, seemed to consist of a series of extremely violent episodes which didn't really lead anywhere, or follow each other logically. Or indeed resemble anything like a dramatic plot. It was basically a lot of shooting and a lot of blood. Several quite good actors were wasted in this one as well. Lots of people walked out of the cinema when I was seeing this, almost right up until the end.

There you go. There's at least forty or fifty bucks, and about ten hours of my life I'd like to have back :-)
maxcelcat: (Dalek)
The other night, I wasted two hours of my life watching something called "Star Wars: The Clone Wars", a CGI animated movie which is not to be confused with the two television series of the same name. Actually, it looks like it was produced as an introduction to the later of said TV shows.

I really can't complain, though. I new it was going to be crap, but when I was going through the movies we have lying around my house, it was the least challenging and the least dark. What is up with us - lots of Coen Brother's movies, some film noir, the odd Tarantino movie... some documentaries... So of this lot, seeing as I was tired and at the end of three days of sick leave, it seemed the best option!

Gah. Why can't these people at least hire a decent script writer. The dialogue in this film - and indeed the last three Star Wars movies - has been wooden and unimaginative. "It is all going according to plan." is about the only line I can remember, because it was said about five times.

As for the plot... Well, It think it was about some Jedi rescuing a baby Hutt whilst there was some counter-plotting by various of their enemies. My confusion wasn't helped because I couldn't place when it was happening - that Anakin Skywalker still appeared to not be evil, there were robots fighting clones (stormtroopers) but not on the sides I expected them to be on... The Clones seemed to be friends with the Jedi, as was the emperor or whoever he is... Obviously the three movies made in the last ten years or so didn't sink in at all! I'd go read up on the goings on in the Star Wars universe, except I can't be bothered!

All in all, it was not unlike watching several other people play a video game...
maxcelcat: (Badtz Maru 2)
A few days back, partly at Deb's insistence, I fished out a couple of VHS tapes of stuff I filmed back when I was in Art School - in 1992! There were a number of shots on it of me when I was 20 or 21, back when I had hair and beard. Actually, most of all, I was surprised the tapes played, they haven't been in a video machine in about fifteen years.

A couple of things struck me. Firstly, I don't remember wearing that much jewellery! I had two necklaces on, and various wrist bands and watches etc.

The second thing was in some of the shots of my bedroom. There where three CD's in one shot, all of which I still have. Interestingly, I'd forgotten how long I'd been into Einstrzende Neubauten and Henry Rollins, both of which were sitting there in my room. I was also amazed at some of the other old shit I still have. Parts of the stereo there in my room are sitting behind me as I type. The desk in my room was in this flat until a couple of years ago.

The other thing that struck me was the utter pointlessness of most of the shots on the tape! I watched about 40 minutes of it, and I really can't explain why I bothered filming most of the stuff. The spinning shots of my back garden. The ten minute long shot of the Biro... Nope, no idea what I was thinking.

I did edit together two films that year, both of which are floating around somewhere. One of them features my then-girlfriend in the nuddy, as I recall! Eep... I think the original tape of that is floating around somewhere!

I should get all this stuff dumped to DVD before it deteriorates completely.
maxcelcat: (Cat Go Blah Blah Blah)
Egad. If it ain't broken, don't fix it.

Seems the classic Sci Fi film, which is one of my personal faves, The Day The Earth Stood Still is getting a completely unnecessary remake... Staring Keanu Reeves for fuck's sake. That dude couldn't act if his life depended on it.

Hollywood, are you listening carefully? Some things are fine as they are and do not need to be messed with.

While we're on the subject, MTV is remaking... The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Great, I'm sure it'll be as high-quality as "Blues Brothers 2000".

I won't bother berating MTV, lets face it they killed music a long, long time ago. Heck, the Dead Kennedys said as much back in '82 or so.

"Klaatu barada nikto"...
maxcelcat: (Catnip Cat macro)
Man, LJ has been quiet while [ profile] jedi_amara is on holiday...

I have a pile (well, a small pile) of things I should be blogging about. Eh.

Went and saw a movie last night, something I'd not done since... November maybe? Whenever the re-re-re-re-release of Blade Runner was showing at the Astor.

My friend Donna from my book group is relocating to Brisvegas indefinitely, so Jeremy, Donna and I went to the Kino last night. Damn it, Tuesday is not cheap night! Afterwards we popped into a rather good Japanese place on Little Bourke, which I go to all the time but now can't name!

We saw something called "Atonement" (Warning, major plot spoilers on that page. In fact, the complete plot!) Best film I've seen in a long time, go see it. There's one particular shot, set on the beach of Dunkirk during the evacuation which was either one brilliant continuous tracking shot for nearly ten minutes, or one very deft use of digital editing to make it look like one.

Looking it up on the Wiki lead me indirectly to this picture:
bomb crater
For reasons which will remain obscure till you see the movie :-)
maxcelcat: (Catnip Cat macro)
Just for a change, some good news about a single screen art house cinema:

Hollywood ending as school buys beloved Astor cinema.

maxcelcat: (Flaky Tree Friend)
Dragged myself to the Empress tonight for the first time in Aaaaaages. Damn, I really like that pub. I was going to say love, but there are certain things a Man just doesn't say to a Pub. It's just not wholesome ;-)

Was there for the extremely random Sploge film night. I can report that Sunstruck is shit movie, despite the lead character being played by Harry "Goon Show" Secombe...
maxcelcat: (Default)
Found a couple of my cousins on Facebook (now have 69 friends).

Made the word "UTOPIAS" in scrabble on said Facebook, in a game with [ profile] evildoom_bunny, thus using up all my letters and scoring 84 points. Sorry Lifty.

And my copy of If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? just turned up in the mail. Anyone want a copy?

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