House Cleaning: Part three

Well, as you all know, an important part of house cleaning is... Blogging :-)

My flat is clean! It's only taken me and evildoom_bunny most of the weekend to do it!

My stereo seems to be on the fritz, it's only playing one channel. I'll have to play with it next weekend, but given that parts of it are twenty years old, and the youngest bit is probably fifteen, it might be time to get a new one. I'll need a record player, though, I miss my records... Maybe I'll just replace parts of it... Did I say record player? I meant turntable of course :-)

evildoom_bunny had a party last night for her birthday - I shall do a proper entry about it later, too tired now from all the above mentioned house cleaning...

Venting.

Ok, I don't often do this here, but I'm just a little pissed off today.

Regular readers of this blog (or externalized memory is how I've been using it) will know that floating around out there - in Italy at present - is an Ex of mine. We had a relatively amicable breakup in February of 2005, although there were a couple of "episodes" of post breakup naughtiness up until June of 2005.

Anyway, I'm not convinced that she gets it, still. I ended up yelling down the telephone at her around my birthday last year because she insisted she wanted to see me, there and then. Those of you who know me will know it takes a LOT to make me that angry. I think she's one of those people who only really understands conflict and anger, as a form of communication, as a reaction...

Ok, this is going to come out in no particular order:

Her friends, those of them I wanted to try and stay in touch with (all three), more or less told me to fuck off out of their lives. Then I find she's seen my friends in the UK more recently than I have. They were still in touch, apparently. Great.

I am wary about her - she lives in her own little reality. Maybe she's just trying to be friendly, but I think in retrospect I didn't mean what I said last time we were e-mailing - I said "send me a postcard". I was expecting one with the tower of London on it, not some of my people. I hate not being on good terms with people, even those who I've been in failed engagements with, but bugger it - now I'm just pissed. Really pissed.

Worst of all is the effect all this has on... My delightful current girlfriend. She's insecure at best, having this woman out there somewhere still living in her reality distortion field, still unable to control an urge to possess me almost... Makes her a little uneasy. Me too for that matter.

Ok, so, maybe she's getting better, but I'm slowly giving up on the idea of every being normal friends with her. It's too dangerous almost, I can't predict how she'll be if we see each other again after more than a year. Perhaps I shouldn't care, perhaps some people just aren't going to be my friend, wouldn't be the first ex who's disappeared into the ether...

Damn, that breakup was hard. Almost like a divorce. I had to move house in a hurry (we were sharing a flat), organise the car we both owned, not to mention telling all my friends and family that I wasn't getting married after all. At some level I'm still getting over it, it's only just now that I'm beginning to feel like I've sorted through all that crap.

Some history. We met in an art gallery in October of 2002. Moved in together in February of 2004. In November and the summer of 04/05 she made my life miserable - well, something like that, it was pretty grim for both of us there. One night, after a particularly drawn-out argument I said "I think I'd like to dis-engage", because I realised she wasn't going to be someone I could spend the rest of my life with - or whatever adults do together.

Anyway, this has wound me up yet again today.

Moving on now. Getting on with my life. It's history, folks, history.

Relax, relax.

She's PROBABLY just trying to be friendly. That's how she'd argue, I'm sure, and I have encouraged her in the past.

But...

After all the previous episodes, I'm wary, once bitten (twice, three times bitten - I'm a slow learner :-) twice shy. I haven't forgotten some of the things she's done in the past... Some of the demands... The time it took me to persuade her it was over, the time I had to tell her I was seeing someone before she'd leave me alone - like I'm some kind of possession.

Anyway, I'm wary, she has HISTORY. It's not like I've forgotten all that has gone on up until now...